CUNNILINGUS 101

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Shall we eat out tonight?

Dicks are simple. Vaginas are much more complicated… After trawling the web for guides on going down we felt the following three guides best captured the sexual synopsis of eating someone out. The following is an amalgamation of a tutorial from VICE, a few titbits from RawAttraction and techniques from MyTinySecrets.

If after reading this you’re still looking for guidance then the Video Techniques section is your next port of call.

Right, so, because all three guides have overlapping content (somewhat like our vaginas) we’ve tried to synch up the sections… VICE is blue; RawAttraction is gold; and MyTinySecrets is green.

Preface.

Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don’t like it but because it’s really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on), so it’s time we broke it down. The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.

When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he’s got it made.

In this article on the art of cunnilingus, we interview our resident lesbian on all things pussy eating.She has eaten more pussy than most men have hot dinners!

Step One - “Foreplay”

Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favour. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven.

Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you’ve got the world’s most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she’s going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it’s beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs.

I’d begin to kiss slowly down her body, along her waistline, and with one hand I would pull her trousers down ever so slightly and run my tongue along where her waistline was. This is usually where you take off her trousers! Keep her pants on for now… let her get comfortable. Kiss along the V where her pants meet her thighs and guessing whereabouts her clit is make an O shape with your mouth, place it over that area and give one hot breath over her panties.

Step Two - “Admiration”

Tease her a little, kiss away from her lady parts down her legs and make your way back up again, do this down both legs, making sure you don’t touch her pussy. A lot of women tend to feel a bit exposed if you take her pants off straight away so when you finishing kissing up her thighs, move her panties slightly to the side and kiss around her pussy but not going for the prize just yet.

Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn’t it? There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. I’ve seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colours and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl’s cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman’s unique qualities and tell her what makes her special.

There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really ready for it before you get under the covers.

Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.

Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you’re petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.

Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little moleman that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Step Three - “Introductions”

Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies.

Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn’t mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.

Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

When you feel her starting to arch her back, (she’s getting a little restless for you), with one strong tongue stroke lick from her vagina opening (NOT HER ARSEHOLE) upwards. When you feel a slight bump, just above the opening, (about the size of a pea) that’s her clit, don’t let go of it. (If you’re having some trouble finding it run a finger down her pussy and see if you can feel it if she’s horny you should have no trouble).

Step Four - “Easy does it…”

Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Do about a dozen of these “St. Bernard licks” before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive, she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it.

Once you find her clit, start with slow, harder strokes and speed it up gradually. If you find she’s moving herself so your tongue is touching a different area that may mean you aren’t on the clit if all else fails, don’t be embarrassed ask if it’s the right spot, she’ll show you where to be! Increase your speed with your tongue; think vibrator, but listen to her body, pay attention, is she grinding faster and into you? That means press your tongue harder on her clit and flick faster. Or is she slowly grinding? Slow it down a little maybe flick a little lighter, her clit may be sensitive.

Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you’re about to eat must be done gently.

When she’s nice and wet, and you can tell she’s enjoying in its always good to tell a girl how good her pussy tastes…. chicks worry about that stuff… God knows why. Under no circumstances do the alphabet with your tongue!

Step Five - “One more time, with feeling”

Tongue-fuck her. This feels divine. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of it’s covering. If so, lick it. If you can’t see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience it’s presence. But even if you can’t feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.

There’s no designated process to all this, it’s down to the girl, but this is my general (and professional lesbian) process. Pay attention to how she’s moving her body into you and every so often don’t be afraid to ask questions. Another tip of mine is not too much tongue; use just the end of your tongue. I find otherwise – (sorry to be so explicit) – but your saliva gets everywhere and she can feel spit dripping down her butt crack – not a great feeling!

Each woman is unique… You may have one who’s nipples get hard when she’s excited or only when she’s having an orgasm. Your girl might flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms and you’ll be a more sensitive lover.

Step Six - “The Clitoris”

After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori: ones that enjoy a serious going-over and ones that don’t. Clits come in all shapes, sizes, and sensitivities, but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning, but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach, but just do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it ease and “Oh my God” means bring it on.

Start to suck gently and watch your lady’s face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don’t fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don’t let go. That’s what she’ll be saying too: ‘Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop!’

You should be thinking about how much you love it and how hot she is! Sometimes your mind can’t help but drift. If you can’t stay focused on her try thinking about things that turn you on to keep up sexual momentum. When you’re thinking of errands you need to run or a joke you heard earlier it shows in your oral. This is a massive turn off for the girl! Keep focused on the moment and the task in hand.

Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she’s getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth.

If she’s not super sensitive to clitoral stimulation, then pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an airtight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.

Step Seven - “The more the merrier”

There’s another thing you can do to intensify your woman’s pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she’s enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, during or after. She’ll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you’re fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.

Use your fingers. Now she’s loving your tongue, and she’s soaking wet… Look up into her eyes and then slide one finger slowly into her pussy. Then get straight back to that clit, most girls come quickest from combined clit stimulation and putting your finger/fingers depending how wet she is inside her, making a come hither motion with your fingers on her vagina wall and pressing harder or lighter depending again how she is moving.

Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can’t get deep enough. Make sure they’re wet so you don’t irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing.

She’ll let you know what to do. If you’re sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you’re giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she’s getting high on this. If there’s any doubt, check her out for symptoms.

It’s actually always a good idea at this point to ask the girl how she wants it, to which she’ll reply ‘fast and hard’ or ‘more fucking’ to which you can finger fuck her harder but keep this pace up with how fast you are licking her clit. I.e. if you are fucking her fast, lick her clit fast.

IMPORTANT: Whenever you touch a woman’s pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn’t have any juices of it’s own and it’s extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it’s dry and that hurts.

Step Eight - “The final stretch”

As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

If you’re flicking your tongue in the right spot you really don’t need loads of variation, it actually becomes quite distracting and frustrating if every time they are getting close you change what you are doing…

When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven’s sakes, don’t let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration.

To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Micmac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.

Step Nine - “The cum down”

When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.

Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multiorgasmic, you can keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times.

If you play your cards right, you’ll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she’s had an orgasm. Do you realise the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She’d be yours as long as you wanted her.

Once you’re done (totally finished), she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Make sure you don’t go crazy or anything because that can actually hurt her.

After you’ve made her come, talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she’s come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex.

Extra Advice? Check out the video guides!